They're Only Words

I miss you,
And as much as I do to forget,
You are stained in my soul
Like the ink of my heart,
It bleeds for you.
Tattooed in my mind
Day and night,
Always thinking of you.
Black tears dripping onto the page,
Writing words unsaid to fuel the rage.
Words forever thought yet never known,
Because I'm too afraid to say those
Three sweet words.
Letters thrown together in passion,
Twenty-six ways to create the beginning of us and the end of me and you.
I'll just stay "I" stained on the inside
And let the black tears dry,
Dried up words, crinkled ink on the page,
Old enough to fade away.
So say goodbye and watch me walk away,
Whispering words I could never say,

...I love you...

On a real note

Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely
It means I'm independent, strong, true to myself, and confident
So don't act like I NEED anyone
And don't try to convince me I need you
Truth is I don't.
Just because I've been heartbroken doesn't mean I'm lost
I'm not broken, and I don't need fixing
I'm a grown woman not a charity case
So don't tell me "Baby I'll treat you better"
Because truth is you won't.
Just because I haven't found the "one" doesn't mean he's not there
Some time will be the right time
I'm okay that it's not now
Truth is I'm happy

Truth is... I never needed you.

I see you
With your see-through blues
The ice in your eyes, so bright
Melted away, I watched you cry
Wiped away the care, felt your tears dry

Love lost too soon
Drifted away, feelings of gloom
You left and I won't get you back
My heart has faded back to black

I'm lost
Waiting for the ice in my eyes
To frost...

And all too soon
I see you

Heartbroken

Heartbreak.
The pain I'm willing to take.
All for you yet all for none.
Did you realize I was falling in love?
Too soon, no longer yours to love.
No longer feeling loved.
My world turned upside down, one more time.
Thought I found perfection, turned out I was blind.
Blind to thoughts of us together.
Now it's just you and only me.
And if it's only friends we can be,
Then I'll do it gladly for you.
As much as it kills me I'll remain true.
True to the words said, promises made.
Feelings of love set aside, sacrificed.
As long as I have you in my life.
As long as you are happy.
That's all that really matters, right?

Why am I so sad?
I have everything I will ever need.
Right here, right now.
I couldn't ask for more.
So why do I feel this way?

#firstworldpains

Shining Hearts

Early morning light
Shining bright in my eyes
Wake up, time get up
Rise and grind
Walk through the bitter cold
With your warmth steaming in my mind
Lift my head, catch the sunshine, feeling alright
Shrouded by clouds, without a doubt
The gray sky wants to bring me down
Tears stream, wait in the freezing rain
For the sun to beat bright again
Watch it glow, shining deep in your eyes
Sad to leave, do I really have to go
Into the biting cold
After I watch the sun rise, a fire in your eyes
Burning deep in my mind
Time to start my day right
Something new
Glad it's with you
The clouds make way
For the sun is shining bright
Waking up next to you just feels so right

Freestyle

Who do you think you are
Leaving scars on my heart,
Heart pounding from the pain
Cuz you hurt me again.

Man it's not cool the way you act,
Freezes time, rewinds me back,
Back to high school, back when we were all fools,
It ain't cool the way we worked out,
I hate the way we fell out.

Fucked over, over time, time to forget it,
Too stubborn to admit it,
Admit we were both wrong,
Just try to move on,
In the only way we know how.

If you wanna do it the hard way,
Good riddance, forget what I say.
It's not the time or the place
For us to care for the time, it's only the race
Of our lives, who's to finish first,
First place in my heart but you got left at the start,
Running away from the past looking forward,
I don't see you anymore cuz you're running too fast toward
Failure, fast away from the pain,
Don't want a heartbreak again.

So you forget that I matter,
No matter what, but you can't erase me from your mind
Eternally, it's not sunshine for the spotless mind,
In good time you'll be fine,
Fine til you hit the rewind and find that I remind
You of the little things in life you can't escape,
Ancient love songs once taking shape,
Strummed to the song of your heart,
Heart strings, now they're broken
There's no fixing but to be forgiven.

But until you decide to hit play not rewind,
And forget that the past is just that, keep in time,
Time to move forward,
And just live your damn life.

Good Morning

Sweet dawn, sunrise
The light glows as I look into your eyes
Waking up next you feels right
Good morning sunshine
Kiss me goodbye but still be mine


...Until next time

Frustrated

I'm frustrated by your lack of communication
Left disappointed by the little motivation
You show no care except for yourself
Living in a selfish world going your own way
Stringing me along
Caring as long as you need me
Leaving me questioning everything
Confused and bruised
Apathetic
But mostly frustrated I can't find a way out
Of the way I am, the way I've been
The way I can't help but love you
Leaves me frustrated.

Gamblin'

Emotions run high
Hearts pound for the first time
When I look in your eyes
Do you see everything I try to hide?

Like how I might fall for you
Too soon
But who am I to judge
The difference between right and wrong
I've been waiting too long to feel loved

Are you right for me and am I wrong for you?
Will it be a waste of time
If I'm wasting it with you?

Lost in time
Racing minds
Beating hearts
Do I feel the "boom" too soon?
As the "tick tock" on the clock tells me its time to rewind
Forward with my mind
My heart wants to play but its stuck somewhere between the broken bits you left me in
Glued together with common sense and ignorance
You might be the one who puts me together again
As we press play on our lives and let it unfold beneath our eyes
The love that we might have or the love we never see

If my heart wastes away
Will it be in the right way?
As I learn to feel love again
When I fall in love with you

Will you ever know?

Will you ever know how much I love you?
That if you walked up to me right this minute and wanted to be together forever
All I would do is say yes.

Will you ever know that when you walk into the room everything else disappears
And all I can think about is me and you
The way you look into my eyes
The way you hug me like I'm the best thing you've got
The softness of your skin on mine
The care of your kiss.

Will you ever know that I'm just as scared as you pretend not to be?
I can see right through you
And you through me
As much as we are meant to be we will never let it happen
Because we are both too stubborn to be heartbroken.

Will you ever know that I fell in love with you a long time ago
Before you knew what it meant to love me back
Now all I can do is bottle away unrequited love for another day
When you want to love me too.

Or maybe not.
Maybe it's only me
The rest is just a dream
The song of our love a fading melody
But I guess I can still hope and wish...


Will you ever know that I love you?

Who said I can't be the greatest
How can I persist after I fall
From the gravity of the situations I put myself in
Rise to the sunshine
An uphill battle already won
This day is mine
Don't tell me how to live my life
I'll do it my way
Learn from my mistakes
Never regretting the heartache
The ups and downs
Don't ever think you can bring me down
I'll wake with a smile
Laugh through the pain
Dancing in the rain
Rising to the sunshine
Living another day
Let me live life my way

Complicated

Lets keep it complicated
Confused and amused
Twisted and bruised
The lines crossed
All is lost

With no rules to break
There are no mistakes to make
It's a dance without the romance
A rose without the thorns
The us without you and me
That's the way it should be

If I never care that you're not there
Then maybe I'll move on
Learn to be myself
Independent and strong
And finally be happy to be alone

No more stressed or depressed
You're not worth my time
If you want me stand in line
Take a number, try a little harder
Prove it
Show me you're worth it
Because right now it's just a waste
So screw it

I wish I still cared
But I still feel ruined and scared
Waking up wishing
Living each day regretting
That I ever gave you my heart
Please take me back to the start

Let me fall in love again
No more tears and pain
Just me loving you
You loving me

Too bad I'm complicated

Deep songs and butterflies
The way you look into my eyes
You leave me breathless

Sweet songs and serenades
The way you play
All the notes thrown in a mess on the page
Creating dischord and rage
All we need is to rearrange

You strike a chord in my heart
Playing the notes of my soul, you know every part
Don't miss a note
Even if I missed it long ago

Is it too much too say I love you
And mean it, too soon?
Do I even deserve you...
Or another chance

To play me soft and sweet
I'll sing you a melody
As you pluck away at my heartstrings
Please don't leave me breathless

Little Girl

Don't cry little girl, hold back the tears.
Wipe away your eyes and with them all your fears.
Go back to sleep, life is but a dream.
Don't wake up and prove the dreams of this world meaningless.
Don't worry little girl, you'll find love someday.
He won't be prince charming, he might not even love you.
But at least you'll have something to hold on to.
Don't fear little girl, all your hopes and dreams will be held in your heartstrings.
Live in the fantasy of love and forget the harsh reality of life:

That no one cares.

Away

Take me far away
Far away from here
No matter where I go
Thoughts of you follow
How far I'd like to go
All around the world and back
Right back to you
I wish I could forget
You make it look so easy
I know if I let you go
You won't come back
You already left
It's already gone
A fleeting moment in this precious thing called life
But life goes on
On and on to one heartbreak then the next
How many times can I be broken
Before I'm done
Everyone says it's time to move on
To the nothingness inside my heart
Where do I start
Because you still tangle my mind
With sad strange thoughts
And no matter where I go
No matter how far away
You remain a part
Of me that wishes
You would just go away

WoMAN

Thrown out like yesterday's trash,
Used up, burnt out.
Not even a flickering in your mind, cuz baby that flame is gone.
Like a flame lit in the pouring rain my soul wills to shine,
But you're not mine.
So here I remain.
Heart in a heap wishing away the pain.
Stepped on, run over, ever forgotten.
Lost to you.
If only you knew.

I left my heart in New Orleans.


Well... shit.

The Puppet

I do not deserve such punishment
For Lords and Kings have done terrible things
But the Queen of Hearts the worst.
She took what once was mine and gave it away
To a puppeteer no less.
Now he tugs and he pulls on the strings held so close to my soul
And I go along with a smile and a song dancing for the crowds
No one sees the tears on my sad painted face.
This is my fate, and much like hers
The Queen will find what she deserves.

Heartbreak
A test of strength
And patience for me
How can I just let it be?
When you have the nerve
To tell me what I deserve?
I decide what I need
For now I'll let my soul bleed
I answer to no one
But when I'm done
I'll deal
And one day these scars will heal
And I'll remember the time we had to part
Without bitterness in my heart

Loneliness worth the cost
I was found now I'm lost.

Courage

Courage is...
Loving unconditionally after repeated heartbreaks
Getting out of bed every morning with a smile
Having great fear and overcoming it
And accepting that there are some things that you can't overcome
Knowing that you are not always in control of your own life
Realizing you are not the master of your fate
Being a good friend when the other person doesn't deserve it
Letting your weaknesses show, because you aren't a superhero
Being a superhero to someone, and becoming a better person because of it
Being happy when you have no reason to be
Waiting for someone, knowing they might never come back
And losing the people you love.

I might not fight wars or save lives.
But I live with a cause and fight for what I love.
All I can do is try to have courage and live each day without fear.
I might succeed, I might not.
But at the end of my life, I'll be able to say
"At least I tried."

You loved me once

You told me I was beautiful
You told me that you loved me
What does that mean to you?
I know what it meant to me.
I thought love endures all distance and pain
But what I didn't know was that after the last "I love you"
I would never see you again
Not in the same way
No more warm embrace
Just a "We need to talk"
We all know where those four words go
Nowhere.

You said goodbye and I wasn't ready
For those words to resonate inside my heart
Pounding inside me with each painful sound
From the man whom I fell in love
Love endures all things and I'd travel any distance
As long as I could be with you
I did
Until you said I wasn't worth it.

Someone thinks I'm beautiful
Someone thinks I'm smart
Someone loves me and wants to be a part
Of what I am, of who I am going to be
Someone out there wants me for me
No matter how far, no matter the pain
No matter the mystery of the future
And the worry of failure
I hoped it would be you
But it's not.

I've failed yet again.

It's a sweet smile, a loving embrace
A warm summer day with sunkissed skin
Throwing frisbees and long bike rides
Fresh ice cream, sitting on the hill
Cowboy movies and cuddling
First kisses and warm red cheeks
Jim Beam and Vernors
Football games
Days on the beach
Singing songs until we fall asleep
Stargazing before we knew we cared

It's waiting patiently
For something that might never be
The pain of the unknown
But trusting that one day you'll still care
Wishing that you could just be here NOW
So unfair
The idea that one day I won't be alone
As the distance between us grows

But at the end of the day...
It's the crazy adventures I remember
The nights we stayed up too late
IHOP
Grocery stores
Christmas time
The way you look into my eyes
And your passion for life

That keeps me going every day
And when I wake up
I know I'm loved.

Thoughts

You loved me
You broke me
You were so busy doing you
You forgot me

So leave me here
Let me stand
Watch me walk away
With another man

And leave me be
You never deserved me
You brought me tears and fears
But he brings love

A happiness you will never know
Always reaching for the fading afterglow
Rooted in the fallen and the lost
You will always be searching for something true

Memories lost
All for the cost
Of the dream of love
That which you never got

I miss you like the desert misses the rain,
Wishing for the sweet droplets to quench its thirst.
I miss the way you kiss me in the morning,
Just as sure as the sun will rise.
I miss the soft touch of your hands,
Just as the sand welcomes the waves on its beach to wash gently over it.
I'll forever want you in my arms.
Hold tight and never let go.

Just as sure as the rain falls, I've fallen for you.
And as the sun rises and sinks I can't help thinking of you.
Like the waves rolling in, I let your love wash over me.
Never a doubt in my mind, that my love for you is true.

BFF's

 To MDD and JPW:

You are my brother, my best friend.
Not related by blood.  Related by experience.
We cried together, lost together, grew together.
We share the endless wealth of unconditional love.
Every day I wake up and thank the Lord I have you in my life, knowing that one day you won't be a call away, or a walk down the street.
One day you will fight the wars of our people to keep me safe. 
And I love you for that.
I love you for staying close when I was ignorant, for not saying "I told you so" when I was wrong.
I love you for the hot summer days we spent walking around with nothing better to do.
I love you for the way you kissed me once and told me I was beautiful.
You will always have more of my heart than any other man.
Because that's how best friends should be.

I love you for the way you smile.
For the endless youtube videos.
For those late nights together watching movies.
For being the yes to my no.  The can to my can't.
The "it will be okay" to my "I can't take this anymore".
You've held me close and felt every tear.
I did the same when your heart broke.
We catch each other when we fall.
We know what to say when there are no words.
We love with the fullness of our hearts.

You are my brother, my best friend.
No matter how far we are apart, you will always have my heart.
Because that's how best friends should be.

Song of the Day

Adele- Set Fire to the Rain

Music is poetry, poetry is music.

Sweet Springtime

Rain falls in silver drops
Shining with every splash
Rubber boots squishing on the way back from class
Sweet smells of spring time surround me
And with each breath another flower blooms.
That flower is you.
With each muddy step I watch time fly by
Watching people come and go in and out of life
Wondering where time will take us next?

Just a Dream

I miss you,
And there's nothing I can do
About the distance between me and you
Except wake up restless.
For you are only a dream.
A halfway vision of perfection,
And a sometimes friend.
But you are only a dream.

Wake up, its not what it seems.
The thought of you has been idealized
And I realized that you aren't all that perfect.
Maybe once, when my head was filled with clouds,
But look, I can see clearly now.
Use me no more.
Because I'm more than you would let me be.
You do you and I'll do ME.
One day you'll see.

Now I'm free.
Because you were only a dream.